Roles indicate responsibilities. The family is an instrument of God. The idea that women are more sensitive to God than men lacks biblical support. The Bible never states that one is superior to the other. God’s ordination is that the man should be the head of the woman, and the woman should be the head of the children. This is the way God established for harmony. It does not mean that the man should be superior to the woman. God established a relationship between husband and wife, similar to Christ and the Church. It is comparable. There is resistance in this matter, just as there is with money. There’s no need for resistance, defense, or preconceptions in this area. Having Christ as Lord and having Him as the head makes us one with divinity. Divinity unites with humanity and becomes one without losing individuality. This is a mystery, but it is the work of God.
There are pre-defined responsibilities (agreement is necessary). For example, who takes care of the books, CDs, movies, photographs, and documents. It is necessary to be practical, defining who takes care of the various aspects of the home, children, and others to have order without confusion. Often there is duplication of purchases because both buy the same things. Even in raising children, there must be clarity to eliminate arguments and fights when everyone does the same things. Decoration is an aspect that should be clearly and definitively assigned. The office is usually for the man. Many arguments arise when interfering in personal matters. Some men like to cook, decorate, and tidy up the house (agreement must be reached, defining responsibilities). Accumulated frustration may occur. Silence is also harmful. The man becomes sulky, and the woman hysterical. Many men become increasingly silent, resentful, and bitter. The more time passes, the more talkative the woman becomes. The quieter the man becomes, the more hysterical she becomes. When the couple does not define their roles well, the children take advantage of the lack of definition. An unhealthy environment is created. a. It is unpleasant that Jonathan is Saul’s son and Absalom is David’s son. The father should not be judged by the son. Ruling one’s own house is a reality while the children are young. When the children are grown, they have the right to make their own choices. They have free will. Some children break their parents’ hearts, just as Adam broke God’s heart. Absalom broke David’s heart.
When we talk about responsibility, we are talking about something we receive from God. Therefore, we must be very careful. God defined some assignments, and we have to see how we are going to do or fulfil them. We will be measured by what God has entrusted to us.
Husband’s Responsibilities:
a. The husband is the leader. It is not a matter of status but function, defined by God. Period. This issue should not be reversed. Christ is the head of the home, the family, the house. The man is the head of the woman. No man will be the head of the woman if Christ is not the head of the home. This is God’s ordination. Most of the time, men must decide by consensus and not by imposition. Leadership is about persuasion. The man must learn to persuade the woman, and the woman must learn to influence the man. Men usually maintain routine, dislike change, eat the same food for thirty years, drink the same soda. The leader persuades the follower. One thing that kills women is omission, passivity – “you decide, my dear.”
b. The husband is the provider. A man who is not a provider has denied his faith. This is serious.
The leader sustains the home. It is not the woman who supports the home. Even if the woman works outside, he is responsible.
c. The husband is the protector. He supports and takes care of his family. He should provide not only natural but also spiritual security.
d. The husband is primarily responsible for disciplining the children. The man defines the values, but the woman executes. Many think that it is only the woman who educates the children, but it should not be that way. The man defines, and the wife maintains. Eli did not reprimand his sons for committing abominations. God judged Eli because he did not deal correctly with his sons. God did not judge the wife. Observe how the children answer the door, the phone. An ill-mannered child must be observed and corrected. The father sets the standards, and the mother enforces them.
e. The husband is the priest of the home. Job was indeed a priest concerning his children. We should fast for the sake of our children.
We must observe when the woman notices things that the man does not see. She is like a radar. Men must learn to respect this sensitivity of women. Sometimes, children deceive the father but should not deceive the mother.
f. The husband should take on leadership roles in the church. Be careful when women take on leadership roles within the church while men remain passive. We should encourage the opposite. The church is governed by men (1 Timothy 2:11-14). Some women rule in the shadows, whispering in men’s ears. Many churches are matriarchal because pastors abdicate their leadership roles. Anything that goes against the Word of God is wicked. Paul says that whoever cannot govern at home should not govern in the church. The issue of women wanting to govern is very recent (20 or 30 years ago, coinciding with the feminist movement), but it is not from God. Márcio Valadão’s family is very godly, but his wife has never preached, yet their children are greatly used by God. Pastor Márcia leads the largest children’s ministry in Brazil.
Wife’s Responsibilities:
a. The wife is a helper, not a competitor. Not an enemy. She works behind the scenes and alongside, sometimes even substituting. This does not mean taking the place of the husband but assisting.
b. The wife is an administrator. Administration is making things work. Checking schedules, order, cleanliness, and tidiness. She is not responsible for providing but is responsible for applying and economizing, avoiding waste. Being vigilant and taking pleasure in taking care of her home. Some women want to project themselves on the pulpit. The wife’s gain is good when the light does not go out (Proverbs 31:16-18 and 24). When she deviates by supporting the home, it steals her true function.
c. The wife helps with the financial burden.
d. The wife raises children.
e. The wife is an intercessor. Pastor César Castelhanos’s wife started interceding for him every morning, and their ministry exploded.
f. The wife complements her husband’s ministry.
