It seems clear to us that we should not focus on studying divorce. Instead, we should study marriage, love, and faithfulness. We should explore ways to keep the family united, children obedient and respectful, wives loved and well-protected, and men strong and kind.
However, this subject, due to its many implications and consequences for both men and women, families, society, and especially the Church, requires careful consideration. Few dare to study this topic, and many avoid confrontation because they prefer to follow the broad path of worldly standards.
Jesus and the Law
When Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount, He was instructing His disciples and giving them the new law of the kingdom. The new law of the kingdom did not abolish the Law of Moses; instead, it raised its demands. He did this concerning murder, for instance, by saying that even being angry could lead to judgment. Regarding adultery, He said that merely looking at a woman with impure intentions is already committing adultery.
Concerning divorce, it was no different. He said:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31-32)
Jesus and the Pharisees
In Matthew 5:31-32, Jesus was much more emphatic and extensive in interpreting the Law of Moses, adding the phrase “But I say to you.” This phrase is not for the Pharisees but for the disciples. Similarly, when He says, “A new commandment I give to you,” He is not addressing the Pharisees but His disciples.
Jesus and His Responses
Matthew 19:1 has been a significant platform for proponents of divorce and remarriage, but this text cannot be analyzed in isolation. It needs the context of Mark 10:1-12. In this episode, Jesus is in Judea with His disciples, and a large crowd is following Him. Among them are the Pharisees who were trying to trap Him with some question.
Their aim was not to seek the truth about divorce and remarriage. The true intention of the Pharisees was to attack Jesus. Therefore, employing a cunning strategy, they ask Him two questions.
First question: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause?”
Among the Jews, there were two schools of thought that differed concerning women and divorce. The more liberal followers of Rabbi Hillel argued that a man could divorce his wife for any reason. The more conservative and orthodox followers of Rabbi Shammai held that a man could only leave his wife if he found “something indecent” in her.
Jesus’ Response to the First Question
Jesus’ response could have been straightforward, and that would have sufficed. He could have simply said, “No! It is not lawful for a man to divorce his wife!” However, Jesus gives a response that goes back to the beginning of everything. He seeks the basis for marriage in the Scriptures.
He says, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh.” (Matthew 19:4-6 and Mark 10:6-8)
Here are three important details to consider:
a) “A man shall leave his father and his mother” – For a marriage to occur, those involved must leave their single status and depart from their parents’ home. This detail goes against what usually happens in cases of divorce, where it is said, “let the man or woman divorce their spouse.”
b) “Hold fast to his wife” – Another detail is that the woman cannot belong to another man. This goes against what typically happens in cases of divorce and remarriage, where one “holds fast to a woman who was married to another man.”
c) “The two shall become one flesh” – Sexual relations are a seal for marriage. There is no marriage without this sexual union. Any sexual relationship makes the two individuals sexually “one flesh,” but just being sexually united does not mean they are already married. Paul says that “he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her,” but that doesn’t mean he is married to her (1 Corinthians 6:15-16).
In summary, marriage occurs between two single individuals who have left their parents’ homes, come together in a covenant, and seal that pact with sexual relations.
Jesus’ response to the first question of the Pharisees does not yet completely answer their query: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” The statement that answers the first question of the Pharisees is: “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:6b and Mark 10:9) This statement by Jesus is part of the “But I say to you” statements.
When a single man and a single woman leave their parents’ homes, come together in a covenant, and seal that pact with sexual relations, God, who made them “male and female,” also considers them married, and what God has joined together, let not man separate.
Thus, Jesus’ response to the Pharisees is: It is not lawful for a man to divorce his wife! It is not permitted! It is not possible! It should not be done! Whatever the reason, it is not lawful for a man to divorce his wife! Period!
Second Question: “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”
The intention of the Pharisees was to catch Jesus in a flaw, and they said, “How can you say that it is not lawful for a man to divorce his wife when Moses said that it is?” You can perceive the intention of the Pharisees?
Jesus responds to this question by revealing the intention of the Pharisees’ hearts and correcting the question.
Jesus’ Response: “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning, it was not so.”
Jesus insists on emphasizing God’s desire when creating man and woman. God’s intention in establishing the family was not subject to the force of sin or the hardness of man’s heart. God would not change His purpose to suit human preferences.
When Jesus said, “Because of your hardness of heart,” He addressed the motivation of the Pharisees. He did not attack Moses, nor did He abolish the law. He was facing accusers and men with insensible hearts who were incapable of forgiveness.
Jesus also corrects the Pharisees’ question, saying, “Moses allowed you to divorce your wives.” It was not a commandment! It was a permission, given because of the hardness of men’s hearts. And He reaffirms the reality of marriage, saying, “But from the beginning, it was not so.”
The tendency of a heart hardened by sin is to exploit the loopholes in the law to justify its desires and ambitions. For the Pharisees, the “supposed exception” described in Deuteronomy 22 and 24 ceased to be an exception and became a general rule for marriage, just as it happens in our days. Today, divorces occur for any reason!
When Jesus came to this world, He did not come to bring order to the confusion that had arisen among men. Jesus did not come to improve this world. He did not come to reform it or find a “quick fix” for things. Jesus came to restore the government of God over the lives of regenerated men.
Jesus and the Exception
Both the first and second questions of the Pharisees were answered, and the matter was settled. But what about the continuation of the text? What about Jesus’ next statement?
If we only analyze the text of Matthew 19, we might conclude that Jesus said what He said only to the Pharisees. However, if we read Mark 10:10, we will see that Jesus spoke to the disciples at home. Thus, the context of Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:9 is the same as that of Mark 10:10. It is a word to the disciples.
So, we read:
“And in the house, the disciples asked him again about this matter.” (Mark 10:10)
“I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9)
The phrase “except for sexual immorality” is a statement by Jesus, not spoken by anyone else. It was not part of the law or the prophets. Once again, He asserts His authority, saying, “But I say to you.”
Every time Jesus used the expression “But I say to you…” He said it to the disciples. This statement is for disciples and is part of the restoration of God’s authority in the lives of regenerated men. There would be no reason for Jesus to say this to the Pharisees, especially because they would not accept it or abide by it.
Based on this premise, we can analyze the much-debated phrase “except for sexual immorality.”
We can examine the text of Matthew 19:9 and Mark 10:10. Jesus is at home alone with His disciples, and they bring back the subject discussed with the Pharisees. Let’s look at the texts together:
The Non-Existent Exception
Every time Jesus used the expression “But I say to you,” He always did so to His disciples, imposing a higher level of commitment to the Kingdom of God. Therefore, the “exception” does not exist, but we still need to explain terms and concepts. We need to provide some explanations that the disciples did not need. On the contrary, they understood it very well, and the matter was settled concerning the condition of a man regarding his wife.
The term used by Jesus was “pornéia.” Although the word “pornéia” is a comprehensive term, we cannot give it such broad meaning in this text in Matthew. Saying that the term can mean many things is correct, but applying that broad meaning to this text creates confusion.
In the Bible, there are other examples of words that can have different meanings depending on the context. For instance, the word translated as “world,” which is “cosmos” in Greek and “tebel” in Hebrew, has different meanings in various books of the Bible. In Ephesians 1:4, it means “universe.” In Psalms 24:1, it means “planet, Earth.” In John 3:16, it means “mankind,” and in 1 John 2:15, it means “human system.” It would be an absurd interpretative error to synthesize all these meanings and apply them to every verse where the word “world” appears in the Scriptures.
Similarly, the word translated as “fornication,” “pornéia” in Greek and “Zanah” in Hebrew, has many meanings in the Bible. Let’s look at at least five different meanings:
Fornication – Sexual relations between unmarried individuals (1 Corinthians 7:2; Deuteronomy 22:21; Leviticus 19:29; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4).
Fornication – Illicit unions prohibited by God’s law (1 Corinthians 5:1; Deuteronomy 22:30; Leviticus 18:8; Deuteronomy 27:20).
Fornication – All kinds of sexual sins, including adultery (1 Corinthians 6:13-18; Numbers 25:1).
Fornication – All prostitution-related sins and the trade of prostitutes. The Greek word for “prostitute” is “porne,” which has the same root (Luke 15:30; 1 Corinthians 6:16).
Fornication – Spiritual infidelity, idolatry (Jeremiah 3:6; Ezekiel 23; Revelation 17:12).
Therefore, we cannot synthesize all these meanings and apply them to the word “fornication.”
In the specific text we are dealing with, what determines which meaning to apply is the context in which it is placed and how it aligns with other scriptures that discuss the same subject.
There are only two possibilities for applying the meaning of the word “fornication” in this phrase by Jesus: Either it refers to sexual relations between unmarried individuals (e.g., a man living with a married woman; a homosexual relationship, etc.) or it refers to illicit sexual unions (e.g., a man living with another man’s wife).
If a couple is living in either of these two situations, the way forward is separation. In the first case, they are free to marry each other or other unmarried partners. In the second case, they either remain single or reconcile with their former spouses, if possible.
It is crucial to note that Jesus never used the expression “unless for adultery…” using the Greek word “moichéia.” He consistently used the word “fornication,” “pornéia.” Nor did He state that if a person divorces his wife and marries another, he commits fornication. The text correctly translated is: “Whoever divorces his wife, unless for fornication, and marries another, commits adultery” (moichéia). Both in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9, it is inappropriate to interpret “pornéia” as adultery, but rather as fornication.
This would explain what Moses said: “If a man takes a wife and marries her, and she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house” (Deuteronomy 24:1). When a man marries, what indecency could he find in his wife? The most likely scenario is that he discovers she was not a virgin anymore on their wedding day.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 allows for the husband to dissolve a recent marriage “because he has found some indecency in her,” which she does not deny. Then he writes a certificate of divorce, gives it to her, and both are free to marry others.
Here, Jesus makes an allusion to the disciples regarding this case: “Except for fornication.” It would be the same as saying: “Only in these circumstances, if a man divorces his wife and marries again, he does not commit adultery.”
In simple words, what Jesus said was:
“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for discovering that she was not a virgin on the wedding day, and marries another, commits adultery, and whoever marries her afterward also commits adultery.”
Jesus and Paul
Although it would be enough to hear from Jesus, “But I say to you,” this forceful expression was dramatically manifested through the life and ministry of Paul. In addressing divorce and remarriage in his letter to the Corinthians, in chapter 7, he establishes a straightforward rule for resolving marital problems.
“I, not the Lord, say…”
“Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)
There is nothing to interpret here. It is clear, simple, and emphatic. This does not pertain to divorce or remarriage. Here, we can hear the Lord Jesus speaking through Paul to the married ones. Not to the unmarried or the “remarried.”
Here, it is not advice or an opinion but rather a commandment. A commandment like any other that Jesus gave to His disciples. A commandment that directs the obedience of those who consider Jesus the absolute Lord of their lives. A commandment that serves as guidance for those who desire to do God’s will.
Here, it is very clear that a wife should not depart from her husband, and a husband should not divorce his wife.
“If she does depart…”
It would be wonderful if all married people, both husbands and wives, were disciples of Jesus. However, that is not the reality. There are thousands of couples where the husbands are unbelievers. There is also a significant, albeit smaller, number of husbands with unbelieving wives. In this case, we have a circumstantial situation where the Lord prescribes what to do in case of separation. Notice that it does not say divorce!
The separation, abandonment, or repudiation should never be initiated by the disciple. If the unbelieving spouse wants to separate, let them do so, but it should be their choice and decision. This is explicitly stated in verses 5 and 6.
The only conditions established by the Lord for His disciples who unfortunately have married unbelievers, before or after their conversion, and have been abandoned by their spouses are:
“Remain unmarried…”
This is the primary condition. Remarriage is not permitted by the Lord. A “second” or “third” marriage would involve constant adultery (illicit sexual relations between married individuals). Therefore, the Lord’s instruction is to “remain unmarried.” For disciples of Jesus, both the man and the woman in this situation are to become “eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of God.” They are prohibited from engaging in sexual relations with anyone other than their spouse. However, this is not a vow of celibacy, as the Lord allows for the possibility of reconciliation.
“…or be reconciled to the husband.”
Sin, the flesh, the world, and the devil are allies against marriage, and unfortunately, millions of couples are broken and unable to revisit the past due to irreparable mistakes and sins. But there are those who, contrary to cheap philosophies of human happiness and Christ-less Christianity and selfish humanism, seek the reconciliation of marriage, family, and the church. Hallelujah for them!
Paul and Jesus
“Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord…” (1 Corinthians 7:10). From now on, we see Paul applying the principles of the Kingdom of God. His position regarding the Lord’s commandment was established by submitting to the Lord’s counsel described in verse 10: “To the married, I give this command (not I, but the Lord)…”. Now, all his guidance must align with these principles and be consistent with the radical Kingdom of God standards he passionately defends.
Absolute and Relative Principles
When advising someone, we must be very clear about which aspects are absolute and cannot be changed. But what aspects are those? Regarding divorce and remarriage, the principles are as follows: that married couples should not separate. But if they do, they should remain unmarried.
What follows must be related to this principle. Here, we have a specific situation that Paul handles with wisdom. He bases his guidance on the absolute principle (v. 10) and establishes a relative principle based on a condition: “If…”
“But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy” (1 Corinthians 7:12-14).
The fact that it is a mixed couple does not prevent cohabitation. Paul is explicit in recommending to the believing spouse: “do not divorce them.”
The Lord blesses this relationship and sanctifies the participants of that marriage.
Living with an unbeliever can be so distressing and unfeasible that there is no other option but separation. However, this separation should never be initiated by the believing spouse. Unfortunately, many couples bear the consequences of past mistakes and find themselves in a situation where the unbeliever does not submit fully to the Lord, resulting in the believing spouse living in true slavery.
“But if the unbeliever departs, let them depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:15-16).
Paul makes it clear that “if” the unbeliever departs, the believing spouse should also depart. This is a blessing for the brother or sister, as it allows them to be free to serve the Lord with liberty, take care of the children, live in honor and holiness before God and men. This separation is subject to the absolute principle of the Lord: “remain unmarried or be reconciled to the husband.”
It is possible that, in this separation, the unbelieving spouse may convert and, in repentance, want to return to their spouse. In this case, we cannot apply the provisions of Moses in Deuteronomy 24. There, Moses states that if a woman is divorced by her husband, she cannot return to him if she marries another and divorces or becomes a widow.
Paul is not dealing with divorce according to the principles of the Kingdom of God. For the believing spouse, this should be viewed as a separation.
In which cases is separation possible?
Many couples live together, but there is much violence, promiscuity, and disrespect. Unfortunately, many spouses, mostly men, live selfishly with their wives and bring suffering to the family. Some women are abused; some contract incurable diseases due to promiscuous relations, while others suffer physical and emotional abuse from emotionally unstable men. They live under “bondage.” In these cases, separation is advisable, provided the unbeliever does not accept living a decent life of honor and faithfulness.
In these cases, wives have complete freedom to separate as long as they understand that they should “remain unmarried or be reconciled to their spouses if possible.” But they are not free to remarry!
Paul immediately affirms:
“A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39).
Paul concludes the topic by making it clear that there is no room for divorce and remarriage, especially for disciples.
Jesus and Forgiveness
Jesus said to the Pharisees: “Because of the hardness of your hearts, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so” (Matthew 19:8).
The Gospel of the Kingdom brought by Jesus is for His disciples. Without God, man is subject to his own feelings. Man is “hard-hearted” by nature. He cannot forgive. Forgiveness is not inherent in him. It is impossible for the natural man to forgive. Forgiveness is not part of his nature.
The Condition of Women Relative to Men
The hardness of heart that Jesus referred to was mainly directed towards women. Women were considered as objects and property of men. Women were always the disadvantaged ones. Women were nothing more than possessions (Exodus 20:17; Deuteronomy 5:21). The father or husband could annul the vows of a woman. Although the husband had the right to divorce, the same was not permitted to the wife.
A man had the right to marry a virgin woman, but the same obligation did not apply to him. A man could have multiple virgin wives. However, a woman could not have multiple husbands. The law of divorce was enacted to ensure justice for women and not to give men an instrument of justice against women.
With the law, men were limited in their actions. Before the law of divorce, there was the law of marriage. The law of marriage imposed on men the obligation to stay with their wives until death or separation. Paul wrote to the Romans:
“A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (Romans 7:2-3).
Therefore, divorce was not an additional instrument of justice for men; rather, it limited the actions of unscrupulous, hard-hearted, and inflexible men.
The coming of Jesus, bringing the government of God, redeemed the principle and established a new order for His disciples. When He said, “But I say to you…,” He restored God’s ideal and imposed the characteristic of the Kingdom of God on the lives of the regenerated.
He restored the value of women, marriage, and family, and established the means by which all the arbitrariness of the law could be overcome: forgiveness!
Divorce was an option to protect a woman who was not forgiven by her husband. If a man married a woman and found her not to be a virgin, he had two options: to divorce her and give her a certificate of divorce, thereby freeing her to marry another man, or to forgive her and stay with her forever.
Divorce was permitted because men were “hard-hearted.” They were unable to forgive. Machismo and selfishness prevented them from staying with a woman who had belonged to another man.
Forgiveness is superior to divorce. Forgiveness relinquishes the option of divorce and leads marriage with love and peace. The man and woman who forgive are greater than those who divorce. A man or woman who divorces demonstrates an incapacity to forgive.
Contrary to what was stated above, the disciples, upon hearing what Jesus had said, concluded, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10).
With the law, men were limited in their actions. Before the law of divorce, there was the law of marriage. The law of marriage imposed on men the obligation to stay with their wives until death or separation. Paul wrote to the Romans:
“A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (Romans 7:2-3).
Therefore, divorce was not an additional instrument of justice for men; rather, it limited the actions of unscrupulous, hard-hearted, and inflexible men.
The coming of Jesus, bringing the government of God, redeemed the principle and established a new order for His disciples. When He said, “But I say to you…,” He restored God’s ideal and imposed the characteristic of the Kingdom of God on the lives of the regenerated.
He restored the value of women, marriage, and family, and established the means by which all the arbitrariness of the law could be overcome: forgiveness!
Divorce was an option to protect a woman who was not forgiven by her husband. If a man married a woman and found her not to be a virgin, he had two options: to divorce her and give her a certificate of divorce, thereby freeing her to marry another man, or to forgive her and stay with her forever.
Divorce was permitted because men were “hard-hearted.” They were unable to forgive. Machismo and selfishness prevented them from staying with a woman who had belonged to another man.
Forgiveness is superior to divorce. Forgiveness relinquishes the option of divorce and leads marriage with love and peace. The man and woman who forgive are greater than those who divorce. A man or woman who divorces demonstrates an incapacity to forgive.
Contrary to what was stated above, the disciples, upon hearing what Jesus had said, concluded, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10).
They understood that if a man married and discovered that the woman was no longer a virgin, they would have only one option: to forgive! Once the woman was forgiven, the disciple could never separate from her and marry another.
They could use the recourse of the law and divorce the woman if they wished, but that would be a testament to their hardness of heart, which is unacceptable for a follower of Jesus. Therefore, their conclusion was that they should not marry.
